I am “OKAY”...
By Patty Cummins

I always dreamed of having a big family with a bunch of kids running around the house. I thought my dreams came true when I got pregnant with twins. I carried two beautiful little boys, Cody and Cole, for 6 months. I thought all of my dreams were fulfilled. I was so ready for those boys. The cribs were bought, the matching little outfits were all hung in the closet, all washed and pressed and ready to be worn. Unfortunately, all of my dreams were shattered when they were born premature, and died shortly after they were brought into this world. Luckily, I got to hold and love on them for one short day before they were taken away.

Death changes you. Sure, time heals, but it wasn’t until I met with Siljoy and finished the grieving process, that I was ready to move on with life. I thank Siljoy for helping me to open my heart and to love again. I can look at babies, and hold babies, and be happy for others that are having babies now. For the longest time, I couldn’t.

I was angry. I was confused about why I didn’t deserve a big family, but the 14 year old next door did. I was blaming myself. Maybe if I wouldn’t have worked so hard at the hospital that day, then maybe I wouldn’t have went into labor. Maybe if I would have drank more water and not gotten constipated, I wouldn’t have went into labor.

Not to mention the fear of intimacy. The fear that “what if I get pregnant again”. How could I ever carry a baby without being a complete basketcase the entire pregnancy. The fear that this would tear my marriage apart. In fact, before we left the hospital, after the death of our babies, the doctor told us that 75% of marriages will end in divorce after dealing with the loss of a child. Death changes you and it changes your marriage.

I am so “OKAY” with where I am now. I am “OKAY”, and my marriage is “OKAY” and I can say that with a smile on my face. Siljoy helped me move on. Siljoy helped the smiley, happy Patty that everyone knows and loves shine through again.

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Shared Journey
    A Letter to Family and Friends.........
By J.E.

Dear Family and Friends,

I want to share my feelings about infertility with you, because I want you to understand my struggle. I know that understanding infertility is difficult; there are times when it seems even  I don't understand. This struggle has provoked intense and unfamiliar feelings in me and I fear that my reactions to these feelings might be misunderstood. I hope my ability to cope and your ability to understand will improve as I share my feelings with you. I want you to understand.

You may describe me this way: obsessed, moody, helpless, depressed, envious, too serious, obnoxious, aggressive, antagonistic, and cynical. These aren't very admirable traits; no wonder your understanding of my infertility is difficult. I prefer to describe me this way: confused, rushed and impatient, afraid, isolated and alone, guilty and ashamed, angry, sad and hopeless, and unsettled. [read full story]

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A little story of healing...
By S.K.

I was seriously heartbroken by an impending marital breakup when I first started visiting Siljoy. I felt lost, cast adrift and was finding it impossible to decide what the right thing to do was. My visits with Siljoy gave me a sense of increased well-being right from the start. I began to identify my problem thoughts as something to share with Siljoy instead of something to dwell on and worry about on my own. As I shared these thoughts and the story of how I had arrived at my sorrowful condition, Siljoy not only showed me that she understood what I was saying, but also that she knew what I was feeling--the feelings that were causing such turmoil in me. I can honestly say that at every meeting with her, she would give me a gem of an idea that shook the foundations of my unhappiness. These gems did not come from me or even from what we talked about--from my perspective they came completely out of the blue. Each time Siljoy gave me one of these gems, I felt an instant release from the grip my unhappiness had on me. After collecting enough gems, I broke free from my sorrow. Siljoy's efforts on my behalf worked a miracle. I have now returned to my former joyful way of being.

SK, Tucson Arizona

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Siljoy’s Holistic Gems

An Holistic Approach to New Year’s Resolutions: “Up until now...”

So many of us begin the New Year with a list of resolutions. Here is a method I recommend to start manifesting any change.

Think about what You want to change. Then repeat it to yourself and add these three little words: “Up until now...”© For example, instead of thinking “I always procrastinate and can’t stand it anymore”, rephrase it as “Up until now, I have been procrastinating and — I am changing it now.”

By adding these three little words:

• You put your undesired behavior into past tense. This reinforces the idea that You are done with this pattern.
• By acknowledging your reality, You are strengthening yourself. Even if it is a painful truth, honoring one’s truth is always strengthening.
• With “up until now” You open a window of possibility and take a good first step into manifesting your new reality.